David made an interesting proposal about the idea of each of us sequentially writing a chapter with a cliff-hanging ending. He’s sent me more details of his idea to send to you. He writes: Okay then geezers and geezettes; here’s the low-down on the next longi-what’s-it-al story. Serial-oh-six- So Alpha Writer Geezer #1 writes 1500 bon mots of story line (2K tops) in such a way as it ain’t contentious and, like all the best books tells us, based on what we knows! And the 1500 bon mots ends with a cliff hanger (or hiatus as the posh people call it) for Alpha Writer Geezer #2 to follow. AWG #2 also writes 1500 bon mots (2K tops) that follow on from AWG #1 and with another cliff hanger for AWG #3 to follow. And so on, ad infinitum, ad nauseam, ad hoc, ad lib, etc. And each new AWG knocks out his or her 1500 bon mots in about a month (nah! Not a month of Sundays! Be serious!) so it’ll be something to keep us going into the summer as a diversion from the footy. And it’s in rich text and line and a half spaces so the next geezer (or geezette) can make notes and get their little grey cells doing double time.

So here’s the sort of thing: There’s this retired kamikaze pilot and he has a one-legged sister. This sister don’t like ‘the Royals’ so she decides to have a blow for the proletariat and dresses up as Spiderman (I ain’t worked out where she sticks the empty tight-leg) and swoosh! down she comes and lays out Chazza while he’s on some walkabout. Now Spiderman-lady ain’t seen Camilla-‘v-Cornwall close up before and thinks she’s hot totty, so she kidnaps her to be a sex slave. And Camilla-‘v-Cornwall says “that’s alright by me, but we ‘ave to nip round my gaff coz I ain’t got no ‘ats.”

Now here’s your cliff hanger. Does Spiderman-lady say “get knotted, you’ll have to buy a hat on ebay like the rest of us!”? Or does she say “Righty-ho” but they have to sneak in because the Old Bill’s got the place surrounded – and the next cliff hanger is whether they take Camilla-‘v-Cornwall’s hats out in a suitcase or a Tesco carrier?

Conversely, AWG #2 might say “knickers to Spiderman-woman, I’m going to chat about Chazza.” And then AWG #2 writes about him being secreted into the secret hospital for distressed HRHs and he comes to in the next bed to Ed of Wessex who’s O/D on Viagra and is frozen in his pose of sitting at the computer doing illegal downloads of ‘Eminem sings Sinatra lovesongs’. And the DPP hears and says “He’s in the pose, I’ll stick him in the electric chair and make an example of these scallywags what makes illegal downloads and save the odd groat off the Civil List.”

But Her Majesty hears and texts the DPP telling him that he’d better not or she’ll drag him round the bike sheds behind Sandringham and cut off his accessories with a pair of blunt scissors.

Now your cliff hanger is whether the DPP brazens it out seeing as how Fergy bit his accessories off while they were at the Royal Variety Show; or whether Her Majesty nicks off to the armoury for reinforcements seeing as how her scissors are so blunt she couldn’t cut open the paper bag with her cod and chips last Friday.

You get the drift, geezers! Enjoy!

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